Did you know that 99.9 per cent of all conflict is due to differing values? What does a conflict of values look like?

It is when parents are too persistent and try to have too much influence over their children's beliefs when they are desperately trying to construct their own, and build some form of autonomous system for themselves.

For example, a parent may be forceful in giving her opinion around tattoos. The conversation may go something like this;

"It's my body, I'll do what I want"

"You will regret it. Imagine how stupid it will look when you're old and wrinkly!"

"Oh my god! You know you can get them removed right?"

"That's not the point. The point is, you'll look like a common criminal if you get a tattoo. What will everyone think?"

"It's not always about you mum! I don't really care what your snobby friends think!"

This is a prime example of how conflict arises between a child and a parent over behaviours that are related to the child's beliefs and values.

The problem with a values conflict is that there is very rarely a tangible concrete effect on the other person (in this case, the parent).

MORE TEA AND TALK

So what do we do? How do we get our point across? How do we positively influence our kids so they will listen and make good choices?

Become an effective consultant. Know the facts, present the facts clearly and leave responsibility for the acceptance of facts to the child (or person).

You are better off having one educated and informed discussion with your child, outlining all the risks and consequences (based on facts) and leaving it to them to mull over and decide.

A much healthier approach than ongoing heated arguments that break down the relationship.