Are you a victim or perpetrator of external control? Do you ever feel duped by another? Do you ever wish the person would see that you are right?
How do you take control of your life without controlling someone else's?
We develop thinking patterns over time and use them over and over because they seem to work. We behave in certain ways and believe we are justified in doing so.
William Glasser referred to these behaviours as External Control Psychology. He went on to state that there are three levels of external control.
The first is where we believe that someone or something is the cause of our behaviours.
It is when we blame another for our own behaviour. The second is when we manipulate things in order to control others. This impacts on our relationships with others.
The third level is when we believe we know what is right for the other person and they should do what we suggest. It is also called the 'righteousness step.' Righteousness is when we believe we know what is good for everyone else.
MORE TEA AND TALK
How do we break these habits and take charge of our own life? When we blame or seek to control others, we actually give up our personal freedom because we believe 'they' are to blame for the way we behave.
Look at it this way, whatever another person says or does is purely information. It only becomes an issue when we assign a value or judgement to it.
If we consistently see things as just information, we are able to choose our behaviour accordingly. We have total control over every situation.
We have no one to blame for our reaction, but ourselves. Now that's freedom!