What do you do or say to yourself when you have a problem or you disagree with someone or something? What is driving these thoughts/opinions?
We all have a values system. We have a set of values because we believe it will give us more control over our lives. Unfortunately, our values can distort what we see and experience. We then behave in way that aligns with the values we desperately try to uphold.
For example, if I believe children should do as they are told, I will behave in accordance with that value. I might mock, ridicule, smack or shame my child (my behaviour) in order to support my values - it is my way of maintaining control. When I feel out of control (values not being met), I behave how I need to, to regain control (uphold my values). If there is a difference between what I have and what I want, I behave in certain ways to get it.
Is there a better way? What if my values are different to someone else? Does that make me right and them wrong? Or do we have different values and therefore behave differently to move towards those values being met or played out in life?
MORE TEA AND TALK
Values are built upon experiences and modelling. They are true to us. They are meaningful to us. But how can we question the values of others and deem them inappropriate or wrong? How can we value something we have not experienced or seen from someone else's perspective? We can't.
We must become conscious and acknowledge when values are driving our behaviour and opinions.
We must continually question if the pain, frustration, anger or judgement we are feeling is because we have no control over a person or situation (values). Then we must adjust our behaviour to accept that we are different.