Tammie Haley was 20 weeks pregnant with her third son when she lost a lot of blood and was admitted to Griffith Base Hospital. A few weeks later, Mrs Haley was transferred to Canberra Hospital and on Christmas Day an ultrasound revealed the baby had passed away. Jesse, the third son of Carson and Tammy Haley, younger brother to Layne and Reuben, was stillborn on Boxing Day 2010.

It was tough for Mr Haley to know what to say to his wife. The two of them were grieving the loss of a baby and still trying to provide a Christmas for their other two boys. The grief led to a distance between husband and wife at a time when they needed each other. 

A man of faith, Mr Haley had believed everything would be ok. When his son died in the womb, he was without words. 

“Men don’t know what to say,” Mr Haley said. “Nothing I could say or do would make it any better.”

It was hard to know how to comfort his wife and deal with his own grief as men were expected to play the stronger role.

“It put a barrier between us,” Mrs Haley said. “We couldn’t connect with each other.”

To explain to the boys what had happened, they lit a candle and said the light was like Jesse’s life. Then they blew the candle out, and said while the candle was still there, the light was gone. The smoke, drifting upwards, was like his spirit going to Heaven. Five years later, Layne and Reuben still talk about what Jesse would be like now.

While most marriages break down after a stillbirth, the Haleys stayed together and now have another two children, three-year-old Jude and baby Eva, who is one. The family has faith they will one day be reunited with Jesse and he will meet his younger siblings.

On Thursday evening, an event will be held to remember these special babies who were lost before their time at the community garden opposite Griffith Public School from 6.30pm.