LAST week Maria asked: I work a lot then when I’m at home I’m busy doing all the other stuff that has to get done. I worry that my kids are missing out?
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For part two of this mammoth question, I shuffled the cards from a different deck to last week, and amazingly received the same Ascended Master Quan Yin! Except instead of “Compassion”, the card was “Let It Go”, which again helps guide the advice on this important issue for parents and particularly mums.
I was discussing this subject with another mother recently and my feeling was that our kids are not likely to reminisce and say, “I wish mum had cleaned the floor more” but they might say, “I wish she’d got down on the floor and played with me more!”
This is not about compounding any feelings of guilt, but rather to give you a sense of perspective about the ‘other stuff’. I’ve resigned to the fact that while my kids are young, these will not be the years I can claim the cleanest house. I do the bare minimum…the supermum in me died long ago!
So today’s column is about making peace with where you are in your life and seeing where you can release the unimportant to make room for the things that matter.
Tips on how to loosen the reins and let go:
· Let go of the common misperception of feeling guilty when you’re not with your children.
· Let go of your own standards and expectations, they will only cause stress and frustration.
· Let go of the housework and anything that can wait.
There’s a poster which sums that last point up the best, “Good mums have sticky floors, messy kitchens, laundry piles, dirty ovens and happy kids.” And just in case I still haven’t hit home, I went back to Ita Buttrose’s Motherguilt. She writes, “Sometimes in their haste to get through all of the things they have to do, working mothers forget some of the most important things in life – like living, for instance. Mothers do not have to be perfect, good enough will do.”
My new philosophy in achieving something that resembles a work/life balance goes beyond domesticity. I’ve stopped being so quick to clip my own wings when it comes to the parenting department. Instead I now recognise, like all well-meaning parents, that what we are aiming to do is give children wings so they can fly.