THIS week’s question is from Catherine.
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My husband and I are nit-picking at each other more than usual. What can I do to improve the situation?
Relationships. It’s a word that can make us feel all warm and fuzzy or send shivers down our spine!
Around Valentine’s Day emotions get stirred up. These occasions can encourage people to reconnect, or highlight problems and unfulfilled needs. Catherine, you’ve raised a big subject, so I’ll be responding in two parts. Next Friday’s column will feature another aspect to improving relationships. For today, the “self-respect” card from Doreen Virtue’s Archangel Michael deck will bring clarity.
There are few times in life when it’s easy to be an individual without others’ influence. Perhaps the most significant is when we first leave home and get to explore a sense of freedom.
When we’re in relationships, this individualism and freedom can be quashed. We compromise and take into account others’ needs, sometimes to our own detriment.
Creating harmonious relationships is about balance and self-respect. When you focus on your own peace and happiness, it naturally has a flow-on effect to others.
I have some suggestions.
Do them for you, not solely for the purpose of improving your situation. It’s the aeroplane oxygen mask analogy; you can’t be present for others until you’ve put yourself first.
- Speak your truth (assertively and calmly). Admit the truth to yourself and be willing to make changes. It’s not selfish, it’s necessary.
-De-dramatise issues – perspective is a beautiful thing!
-Trust your instinct (it’s rarely about the domestic duties or the kids – these are catalysts for bringing to the surface core issues to be resolved).
- Focus on the positives – your own as well as what your partner brings to the partnership.
As difficult as it seems in the middle of a disagreement, remembering why and how you fell in love in the first place can help defuse some of the tension. The nit-picking in relationships occurs when resentment builds up. It’s not about blame on either side.
Send your questions for Sharon to editor@areanews.com.au
